Tag Archives: chicken

Cracker-style japes

21 Dec

Christmas chickenI’m doing a lot of reading lately, all of it research for a new writing project I’m embarking on. Specifically, this one. The plan is to write five chapters of a YA novel by the end of February 2012, have the good people over at Hardie Grant Egmont begging for the rest, and the next thing you know I’m a published author. It’s just that easy!

In the meantime, however, it’s Christmas! So here are some ‘humorous’ Christmas cracker style jokes to share with your loved ones over a freshly picked chicken carcass this December 25.

Why did the rooster get a tattoo?
He wanted to impress the chicks.

Where are chicks born?
In Chick-cago.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

Happy holidays!

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LIFE’s worst covers (featuring a rooster!)

18 Nov

Poultry in the news! Well, this was in the news a while ago… 74 years ago, to be exact.

That's one great lookin' rooster.LIFE magazine (which has a great website, by the way) recently published a gallery of the 20 worst covers in their 75-year history. This handsome fellow was featured with the following caption:

In LIFE’s 75 years, this is the only cover not to feature the distinctive logo in the upper left corner. Not surprising: If your cover story was as newsy, sexy, and controversial as “White Leghorn Rooster,” you’d hide your logo, too.

I can only imagine what wondrous content was included in the accompanying article. What was happening in the world of the white leghorn rooster in 1937? Will we ever know?

You can check out the rest of the questionable covers; if you’re really interested, you can also browse their 75 favourite covers.

Awww…

14 Sep

It’s been a while since I’ve had a chicken-related post, so here’s a photo for you. Adorbz!

Cute cute cute!

Insert obligatory "hot chick on p***y" joke here (if you're that way inclined)...

This one’s not a chicken, but it is a bird. Look at the mum! She’s got all her babies on her back! And she’s yelling at them to just hurry up and get on her so they can leave already, goddamnit!

A swanback of goslings

Crossed chickens

9 May

What a cool dude.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a guitar?
A: A chicken that plays music when you pluck it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a pit bull?
A: Just a pit bull.

(It’s been a while since I’ve posted poultry-themed jokes, so I thought I’d brighten your day with these “hilarious” gems.)

Bonus joke: What do you call a frightened scuba diver?
A: Chicken of the sea.

Chickens feel empathy

11 Mar

chick empathyYou know, before I started this blog I didn’t think about chickens very often. Sure, I knew they were delicious – and obviously very cute – but I wasn’t drawn to them in any particular way. But now that I’ve named one of my personalities after them, I feel I should learn more about these creatures.

And now that I’ve read this, I’ll know never to blow a puff of air at a chick ever again.

Chicken farm

9 Mar

There was a man who came from the city, wanting to start a chicken farm of his own. He went to a local hatchery to buy some chickens, and bought 500 fine White Rock chicks.

The next week he came back to the hatchery and bought 500 top quality Rhode Island Red chicks.

The following week it was 500 Cornish chicks.

This went on for weeks, until finally the hatchery man could stand it no longer.

“Wow, you must be starting a huge poultry farm with all of these chickens!” he said to the city slicker.

“Not so big really,” the man sighed. “I’m just having a little trouble with this first crop – I can’t tell if I’m planting them too deep or too close together.”

**************************************

Okay, that was terrible, I admit it. Those wacky city slickers!

But here is something that’s EVEN WORSE than that joke: dailychickenjoke.com. Yes, someone once dreamt of a site that would post a new poultry-related joke EVERY SINGLE DAY. It started on 16 October 2008 and lasted 200 jokes, until 3 May 2009. Is that a joke a day for that time? I don’t know, I’m crap at maths.

There are many, many crap jokes on dailychickenjoke.com. But there are actually a few okay ones, too, as shown by these:

Chicken Joke #194
Q: Why was the chicken look up “painters” in the phone book?
A: He wanted to find someone to paint him naked.

Chicken Joke #195
Q: Why did the chicken even have a phone book?
A: It was 1995.

Phone book jokes = always hilarious. See also: pager jokes.

Chicken on the run…

8 Feb

“The bird didn’t look scared, just indignant. It had a look on its face like it was thinking ‘I’m just trying to walk across the car park, what’s your problem? Why are you chasing me?'”

This article is a bit out of the realm of what this blog will usually cover, but it is chicken related. And who could resist reposting that classic quote above?

I want to see someone taking their chicken for a walk, then have it get away and create a hilarious chase scene. You just know that everyone watching would have Benny Hill music playing in their heads…