Tag Archives: humour

LIFE’s worst covers (featuring a rooster!)

18 Nov

Poultry in the news! Well, this was in the news a while ago… 74 years ago, to be exact.

That's one great lookin' rooster.LIFE magazine (which has a great website, by the way) recently published a gallery of the 20 worst covers in their 75-year history. This handsome fellow was featured with the following caption:

In LIFE’s 75 years, this is the only cover not to feature the distinctive logo in the upper left corner. Not surprising: If your cover story was as newsy, sexy, and controversial as “White Leghorn Rooster,” you’d hide your logo, too.

I can only imagine what wondrous content was included in the accompanying article. What was happening in the world of the white leghorn rooster in 1937? Will we ever know?

You can check out the rest of the questionable covers; if you’re really interested, you can also browse their 75 favourite covers.

John Dies at the End

26 Sep

John Dies at the End by David Wong, 2009

... or does he?John said the thing was as tall as the truck and walked on six legs that looked horned and armoured, like something seen at a seafood buffet. But there was a part that had the feel of a mammal, too, fur and arms. Please remember that from John’s distance the beast would have been the size of a dime, so I won’t criticize his crab-riding monkey description even though we all know it’s retarded.

That passage sums up David Wong’s John Dies at the End pretty well. There’s the horror element of the weird monster thing, and there’s the humour of a guy talking crap about his best mate. And if I were to sum up the book in two words, ‘horror’ and ‘humour’ would be the ones I’d use.

But that would be a ridiculously short review, and we all know I like to go on about these books. So too bad – get ready for more words!

So yeah, horror. I love horror movies and used to devour whatever Stephen King books I could get my hands on (now, I’m not such a fan of his work – sadly, Mr King lost me a while ago). I very rarely get spooked by scary movies, but this book gave me the creeps, y’all. Even now, days after I finished it, some of the images pop into my head when I walk into my bedroom without turning the light on first. I just know there’s something crouching in the dark with a hideous half animal/half human face, ready to attack me… and that’s just my sister! (Couldn’t resist, sorry.)

It’s all based around a drug called soy sauce, which opens users’ minds to other levels of consciousness. But then there are flying wig-monsters with baby hands, scorpion tails and a handful of eyes, as well as beings that gather in the shadows, a monster made of meat, and an ancient evil named Korrok which is trying to take over the world. And it’s up to the protagonist and his friend John to save us all.

It’s as crazy as that sounds, but it actually works. There are monsters galore, love and lust, a trip to Vegas, time/multidimensional travel, beer drinking, computer games, and a dog that just can’t die.

And the writing! Oh my, the writing. David Wong is a freaking genius. He’s a senior editor at Cracked, one of my favourite humour sites, so it’s not surprising that he can bring the funny. (Interested parties should read the background of the book – it was first written as an internet series, and is now being turned into a movie starring Paul Giamatti.) But he can also create amazingly accurate and clever images for the reader. As such:

And so, feeling like men trying to work a jigsaw puzzle blindfolded and using only our butt cheeks to grip the pieces, we left.

Sometimes it’s not so G-rated, but still manages to be quite eloquent:

Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the Fucking Tour de Fuck.

Oh, and the next time you go to sleep, try NOT to think about this image:

Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn’t answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids.

Heavy monkey of sleep and his warm, furry ass, indeed.

This was another installment in my MS Novel Challenge. Sponsor me?

 

Bossypants

5 Sep

Bossypants by Tina Fey, 2011

Her pants are full of bossy.The Novel Challenge has begun*! Well, I started it on the first of September, but haven’t had time to write about it since then. On the upside, I’ve already finished a book: Tina Fey’s Bossypants. I know it’s probably still too early to call, but this may be my favourite book of the challenge. Yep, it’s all downhill from here, folks.

Ms Fey’s book-writin’ is as hilarious as her TV-writin’. I started out bookmarking pages I found especially amusing or clever, but soon realised it was a fool’s errand. Bookmarking every page doesn’t work.

Naturally, there are a lot of stories about Tina’s career, including the creation –and ongoing filming – of 30 Rock. Background stories! Behind-the-scenes hilarity! Poor ratings dramas! Or, as the book says:

We were trying to make Home Improvement and we did it wrong. You know those scientists who were developing a blood pressure medicine and they accidentally invented Viagra? We were trying to make Viagra and we ended up with blood pressure medicine.

But it’s not all about the comedy biz; Bossypants gives a pretty good view into Tina’s life, from growing up in a somewhat idyllic environment to her college years. There’s stuff about her unrequited crushes (“What 19-year-old Virginia boy doesn’t want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that’s permed on top? What’s that you say? None of them want that? You are correct”), but she doesn’t go into much detail about her later life with her husband – in fact, the first time he’s even mentioned is in a chapter about their honeymoon. Oh well, I guess she’s gotta leave something for the second book (kidding! But not really!).

Then, after all that, comes a section that generally deals more with motherhood and the Eternal Struggle of the Working Mum. As a kind of response to the “How to create ‘me-time’ when you’re a mum” articles in parenting magazines, Tina writes:

Go to the bathroom a lot. Offer to empty the dishwasher. Say you’re going to look for the diaper cream, then go into your child’s room and just stand there until your spouse comes in and curtly says, “What are you doing?”

I’m TOTALLY saving that advice.

Lastly, there are some genuinely lovely moments mixed in with her laugh-aloud anecdotes and cleverly worded observations on life as a woman and TV/movie star. One part actually made me cry – not tears of laughter, but tears of “Awww, so sweet!”. What were these wise words? A comical yet oh-so-touching description of cleaning poo off her daughter’s neck. Aww indeed.

And now I’ll leave you with that image of a faeces-smeared neck as I move onto book two of my challenge. Enjoy.

Read it if you like to laugh, or are female, or know a female.

*But it’s not too late to sponsor me, if you haven’t already – do it now!